|
EXT. SMALL HOUSE, DAY. 
Asia Carrera, a gorgeous Asian American answers the door.
|
 RAY:
Hello Ms. Carrera, I'm Ray Angelino, this is my wife Gina and
THIS is Rodney Tate.
ASIA:
Hello, I was afraid this was all in my imagination. Come in,
the babies are down so be careful.
|
INT. LIVING ROOM, LATER.
Gina has the camera set up at the end of the couch, Ray is sitting
right beside it and Rodney Tate is sitting beside Ray.
Asia is sitting in a chair, directly opposite Ray and the lights are
on her. She looks extra gorgeous.
Ray is asking the questions.
|
RAY:
You're a genius-
|
Asia deprecates.
|
RAY:
No, you've got the certificates to prove it.
|
Asia laughs.
|
RAY:
Okay. So you're a genius, you carefully invested your money
and had a good plan for how your limited years in porn were
going to provide for the rest of your life.
ASIA:
And then it all went to shit?
RAY:
Yeah.
Is that a function of porn? Is there some thing that could
have changed that outcome? What?
ASIA:
How could things have been different? Well if my boyfriend
hadn't been deported, if he'd and I had done what we needed
to do, if we hadn't drifted apart, if I hadn't gone into a depression,
if my husband hadn't been killed in a traffic accident, if my
husband had purchased life insurance ... Life insurance, that
would have been nice.
But no, I don't blame any of what happened to me on porn.
RAY:
Universal life insurance would have been nice.
ASIA:
But I was out of porn by then.
|
2 year old BETH, tugs at Asia's skirt.
|
BETH:
Mommy, Matty messed his pants.
ASIA:
Sorry, the job of a mother ...
RAY:
Hold on a moment.
|
Ray pulls out his list of questions.
|
RAY:
Rodney, just continue. I've gone out of order but I don't
think Asia will mind answering the same question twice. Try
to get her to tell you as much as possible. Imagine this is
the last time she will ever talk publicly.
ASIA:
I hope I'm not dying.
|
Ray gets up and trades places with Rodney.
Then Ray gets down on the floor and looks up at BETH.
|
RAY:
Hey Beth, my name's Ray. You were asleep when we came in. Is
Matty your brother?
|
The 2 Year Old nods her head.
|
RAY:
Do you think you could show me where he is?
|
She nods shyly.
Ray progresses by crawling across the floor.
|
BETH:
Look Mommy.
ASIA:
Yes, Maybe he'll let you ride him.
RAY:
Uh oh. Better get out of here.
|
Ray crawls as fast as he can out of the room.
Beth laughs.
|
ASIA:
Better try and catch him.
|
Beth goes running after him.
INT. PLAYROOM, LATER.
Ray is on the floor, music is playing but the kids are climbing on
him.
|
GINA:
(O.S.)
Ray! We've got a problem.
RAY:
(To kids)
Oh, they can't do anything without me. You guys stay here.
Stay here or I'll have to leave. Stay here and I'll be right
back.
|
Ray snags a box of "baby wipes."
FOLLOW Ray through the house and out back.
Asia is standing over Rodney, who is naked and lying down.
Both of them have semen on them. 
|
RODNEY:
I'm sorry Ray. I was just so excited.
RAY:
Hey, who wouldn't be.
|
Ray hands Asia the box of baby wipes.
|
RAY:
But Ms. Carrera is a professional. And I'm sure she can get
you standing tall again, and again. And next time ... well,
eventually you'll be empty. Empty and hard I'll bet.
|
BEAT
|
RAY:
Everything Okay?
|
Nods.
|
RAY:
Okay, I have to get back, I'm being "Baby Mountain."
Ray goes back inside.
|
EXT. DOOR, LATER.
Rodney is saying good-bye to Ray and Gina, he's beside himself eager
and flush.
A taxi is waiting at the curb.
|
RODNEY:
... really Ray, thanks. She was the greatest.
RAY:
You sure you don't want us to drive you back to the airport.
RODNEY:
No.
RAY:
That was part of the deal.
RODNEY:
Oh, God no.
You paid for the plane and ... I should be paying you. If you
ever need me to do it again, I will pay you.
|
Ray smiles and Rodney smiles and waves, walks, stops, smiles and waves
again, etc.
Ray turns and goes back inside.
INT. HOUSE, CONT.
Asia has jeans and makeup on but she's nursing both kids at the same
time. 
|
RAY:
Rodney wants me to pass along just how great he thinks you
are.
|
Gina sits down and watches the kids nurse.
|
ASIA:
Well the next time you see him you can tell him I think he's
pretty great too.
RAY:
I should lie?
ASIA:
No. He was fine.
RAY:
For an amateur?
ASIA:
Some things should just stay a fantasy.
RAY:
(reaches into his pocket)
Oh, I should have taken care of this earlier but I was too
nervous.
|
Ray hands her a check.
Asia's hands are full.
|
ASIA:
Can you hold it for me? My hands seem to be busy.
|
Ray holds the check so she can read it.
|
ASIA:
Three thousand?
You're pretty sure I'll agree to this other part.
RAY:
No, I've got a check made out for just two thousand but ...
I thought we got along all right.
|
Matty pulls away from Asia's breast, asleep.
|
ASIA:
Whoops, one's full.
RAY:
Gina, can you help her out?
|
Gina takes the baby from Asia.
|
ASIA:
He needs to burp.
GINA:
But he's asleep.
ASIA:
He still needs to burp.
Take a diaper for your shoulder.
|
Gina picks up a diaper and drapes it over her shoulder.
Then she fumbles with the baby.
|
ASIA:
You know how to burp him?
RAY:
She'll figure it out.
|
Asia's not so sure.
|
BETH:
Mommy?
|
Asia looks down.
|
ASIA:
Empty?
|
Beth nods.
Asia releases her grip and Beth moves herself around and takes the
other nipple in her mouth.
|
ASIA:
I don't think your brother left much.
|
[huge burp]
|
ASIA:
There he goes.
|
Gina laughs.
|
RAY:
Big sound for a little guy.
ASIA:
Some times I think the neighbors will call about the man belching
over here.
Okay, so what do I have to do for the last thousand dollars?
RAY:
Well, you have to put up with us for the rest of the week.
We're driving down to Vegas to do the same thing with Nina Hartley.
ASIA:
Oh, Nina!
This is like old home week. And what do I need to do with Nina?
RAY:
Well, makeup first and ... lights, cameras, show us what to
do. Give us Asia's school of porn shooting.
ASIA:
I never-
RAY:
"The Naked Grip's" school of porn shooting.
ASIA:
Someone's been reading my web site.
Well at a thousand a week you could get-
RAY:
Two thousand a week. This is a short week.
ASIA:
Why me?
RAY:
I read your website.
|
BEAT
|
ASIA:
Okay, but I think the challenge might be putting up with the
three of us instead of me putting up with you two.
|
EXT. ROAD, NIGHT.
The five of them are in the little car. Ray and Gina are squabbling
on and on about directions, locations, how far they are and who's idea
it was.
Asia and the kids are asleep in the back.
INT. MOTEL LOBBY, NIGHT.
The Clerk has just written down Ray's driver's license number.
|
CLERK:
From New York?
RAY:
California more recently.
CLERK:
Okay. Young lady, can I see your driver's license too?
RAY:
I thought you only needed the one license, to secure the room?
CLERK:
I do, but I need to see her license because she'll be sharing
with you ...
RAY:
And she looks too young to be my wife?
|
Gina gets out her license.
|
CLERK:
Sorry.
RAY:
I know, its Utah.
|
The Clerk nods as he writes down Gina's number. (Gina Angelino, NYC.
Just as if she was his wife, except for the different addresses)
Matty is asleep on Asia's shoulder and Beth is whiny around her legs.
|
ASIA:
Do they need to show you their ID's too?
CLERK:
No, I take your word for it, you're not married to them.
|
INT. MOTEL ROOM, NIGHT.
Ray is sitting on the bed, naked, removing Gina's dark G string (her
last bit of clothing).
[knock on the wall]
|
ASIA:
(O.S.)
You guys still awake?
|
INT. MOTEL ROOM, NIGHT.
The room is dark and the two little kids are asleep in one bed.
The other bed has the blankets pulled back.
The wedge of light shrinks and disappears as Asia almost closes the
bathroom door.
INT. BATHROOM, CONT.
Asia sits down on the toilet lid, bare bottomed. (she's wearing an
oversized man's undershirt, just like Gina)
Gina and Ray are in the tub. Ray's wearing jeans and a T shirt and
Gina is sitting between his legs facing him.
Asia turns to them.
|
ASIA:
(whispering)
Okay. I need to know the rest.
|
BEAT
|
RAY:
What rest?
ASIA:
If I knew I wouldn't be asking. But there's stuff going on.
GINA:
Uh, we-
RAY:
Hold on.
I'm sorry dear. I'm not telling you we wont tell you. The reason
I started with you is because I felt you would understand and
support what we're doing. So, I'm pretty ready to tell you anything.
BUT ... I think it would be best if you started by ... asking
good questions.
ASIA:
I don't know what to ask?
RAY:
What makes you think there's more going on here then we've
told you. What doesn't seem right? I'll explain and I won't
try to hide, but I'm not going to rush you with my sexual insecurities.
|
Asia looks at him with horror.
|
RAY:
I don't have that many, but you get the idea.
ASIA:
Yeah, you can keep those to yourself. Asia is not a therapist.
GINA:
Damn.
|
BEAT
They all laugh.
|
ASIA:
Okay, you asked some strange questions, and why did you ask
them and not Rod?
RAY:
Because I felt I'm a much better conversationalist and the
amateurs in this series are going to be a little tongue tied.
ASIA:
That's why you but not why those questions.
RAY:
Uhm, I have a separate agenda, we're trying to start an adult
actor's union.
|
Asia gives them a, you're joking, look.
LATER
Beth comes into the bathroom wiping her eye.
|
BETH:
Matty wet the bed.
ASIA:
Oh, Damn.
BETH:
I need to pee.
RAY:
Oh.
|
He and Gina try to move but they find it real difficult and Beth pees
while they try to get out of the bathroom.
EXT. MOTEL, MORNING.
Ray and Gina walk outside and have to shade their eyes from the bright
sunlight.
EXT. VEGAS AIRPORT, DAY. 
They drive into the parking.
Asia is driving.
Gina is in the back seat having a difficult time entertaining the kids
and Ray is asleep.
|
ASIA:
Ray, Ray?
We're here.
RAY:
Hmm? Oh, yeah. What time is it?
ASIA:
Almost three.
Who are we meeting?
RAY:
Three?
Oh, Damn.
ASIA:
Who are we meeting? Maybe I saw him out front.
RAY:
Merle Holmes.
ASIA:
Merle Holmes! My absolute favorite ballplayer? How come Nina
gets the Mr. Endurance and I got Mr. Once and Again?
RAY:
Because you didn't ask for him. If you want to do a threesome,
after a straight boy/girl, that's up to you guys, but I'll tell
you now, I can't afford to pay you for it.
ASIA:
Oh, well then forget it. I don't take off my clothes if there's
not money involved.
|
EXT. HOUSE, DAY.
The six of them are waiting outside when Nina Hartley opens the door.
|
NINA:
Ray-
HOLMES:
Oh, my God.
Nina Hartley!
Oh, my God!
Its Nina Hartley.
NINA:
Ray, didn't you tell the poor boy who he was here to meet?
RAY:
I told him.
I just don't think he believed me.
|
INT. HOUSE, LATER.
Ray has moved a chair up to the couch.
Asia is dealing with her kids.
|
RAY:
This looks great.
Okay, Merle, we're going to shoot you asking the questions
first. As soon as Gina and I set up the lights.
Nina do you have a place where Asia can work on Merle's and
your make up?
NINA:
My make up?
|
Nina is already prepared to shoot.
|
RAY:
My future hangs in the balance as I say this but, Yes Nina,
your makeup too.
You look gorgeous.
In fact, too gorgeous to be at home meeting a reporter.
|
BEAT
|
RAY:
I was hoping that Asia could tone it down a little.
Nina looks at Asia who is wearing no make up at all and has
the most washed out face you can imagine.
NINA:
Off course.
RAY:
Be nice, please.
ASIA:
Okay kids. I'm going to need you to be quiet while Mommy works.
RAY:
What if the kids helped Gina and me set up the lights?
They can play with electricity and get curly hair.
ASIA:
Uhm.
GINA:
He hasn't killed a child yet.
ASIA:
Uh, how many does he have?
RAY:
Just one, but she was a handful.
|
LATER
HOLMES is facing the camera with the wall behind him.
|
HOLMES:
One last question Nina, will you marry me?
|
BEAT
|
HOLMES:
Just like that?
GINA:
(O.S.)
It'll be funny with Nina's reaction.
|
Holmes doesn't get it.
WIDE SHOT
RAY is on the ground, the kids have rubber banded his left hand to
his right foot.
|
RAY:
Okay. Gina, can you break down the Camera and shift the tripod?
Merle, Nina, we'll start at the door, from the outside. Nina,
you lead Merle in to the couch.
I'll get the action from here and Gina will follow you from
the door. Some where along the way Merle you need to put the
microphone on Nina.
Gina, do you have the microphone?
Asia, you want to operate the second camera, or do you want
to free me from this infernal device?
Asia?
NINA:
I think she's doing her own make up.
|
EXT. HOUSE, DAY.
We FOLLOW Merle up to the door and he rings the bell.
Nina opens the door.
|
MERLE:
Hi Nina.
NINA:
Hi Merle, come in.
|
INT. HOUSE, CONT.
New ANGLE.
Nina leads Merle into the living room.
Shift to FOLLOWING ANGLE (intercut)
|
NINA:
Will this be okay for the interview Merle?
MERLE:
Sure, this is great.
|
Merle and Nina sit.
BEAT
|
MERLE:
(Jumps up)
Oh, I got to put the microphone on you.
|
Merle awkwardly tries to drop the microphone cord down inside Nina's
blouse and then connect the end to her battery pack and antenna.
CUT TO ANGLE on Nina, this looks like a professional interview. (Camera
on tripod, balanced lighting)
|
RAY:
(O.S.)
So, to get started lets talk about the past.
|
Nina smiles and nods.
|
RAY:
You used to be involved in a relationship which you described
as you having a husband AND a wife. That's no longer the case.
What happened? Are threesomes naturally unstable or was there
something specific about the persons involved that caused the
break up?
|
BEAT
Nina shakes her head like she's coming out of a fog.
|
NINA:
Wow, I thought you were going to ask me something like you
did in L. A.
RAY:
I'm sorry.
NINA:
No, I just wasn't ready for that.
Can we do that again?
RAY:
(O.S.)
Sure.
|
INT. GUEST ROOM, LATER.
Ray is playing with the kids.
|
GINA:
(O.S. yelling)
Ray, we've got a problem.
RAY:
(Yells)
Okay.
|
Ray starts to separate himself but before he can leave Asia enters
in full make up and naked with her nipples leaking milk.
|
ASIA:
Snack time.
|
Asia sits down on the floor against the wall and the kids come over
to suckle.
Asia gets them in position with Beth on the bottom.
Ray helps her out with pillows for her back and to prop up her arms.
|
ASIA:
Now, I know why porn stars with children give up performing.
RAY:
Hey, there's a lot of men who'd like to be where they are.
ASIA:
Not going to happen.
|
INT. CAR, EVENING.
Ray is driving, etc.
|
ASIA:
Where are we off to now?
RAY:
Phoenix.
You and the kids might want to sit this one out. Spend the
after noon at Chucky Cheese or something.
ASIA:
Oh! Yeah, we might just do that?
BETH:
Why Mommy, what's in Phoenix?
ASIA:
Not what, who. And its Uncle Bud's first wife.
BETH:
But why won't we meet her?
ASIA:
Because she doesn't like me.
BETH:
Why?
ASIA:
Because I was uncle Bud's second wife.
|
INT. LA HOUSE, DAY.
[crying in the background]
Ray is on the phone.
|
RAY:
Ow!
|
Ray quickly puts down the phone.
|
GINA:
Get slapped again?
RAY:
Harder then Mia Ham, I think. I wish Eric had picked an athlete
who at least had indicated an interest in non-monogomous sex.
|
Ray checks his list.
|
RAY:
That's eight hang ups, after threats to call the police and
two bouts of laughing themselves to death. I'm going to have
to call Eric back for an extended list or to again tell him
how wonderful you are.
|
Gina gives him a look. 
|
GINA:
Have you heard back from the Russians about what happened in
Phoenix?
RAY:
No, but what can they say?
It wasn't our fault, and the whole thing is on the video we
gave them.
GINA:
I don't think they'll care.
|
Asia comes out of a back room, topless, in jeans and no make up bouncing
Matty in her arms.
|
ASIA:
Did you say something about Russians?
GINA:
Yeah, we got our financing from a pare of Russian brothers
in Chatsworth.
ASIA:
Not, Andrewpov and Pickof?
GINA:
Yeah.
I don't know any other Russian brothers.
ASIA:
(Looking scared)
Those guys are Russian mob.
RAY:
There isn't any Mob in porn anymore.
ASIA:
Tell that to the Russians. I'm sorry guys. It's been great,
I hope the union goes and I'll miss seeing Randy but ... I've
got kids. I can't stay.
|
BEAT
She's serious.
EXT. RUSSIAN'S STUDIO PARKING LOT, DAY.
It looks just as run down as it did last time.
Ray and Gina get out of their car.
|
GINA:
I don't have a good feeling about this.
RAY:
What can they do? Its not our fault?
|
INT. SMALL RESTAURANT, DAY. 
The restaurant is on PCH, near the beach.
Melissa Gilbert enters, 
looking like anything but a famous movie star, panning the room for
Ray.
A Man with curly blonde hair gets up from his table, where he leaves
a gorgeous red head with implants and long silky auburn hair, and goes
to meet her.
|
RAY:
Melissa?
|
Gilbert looks at the man and beneath the blonde eyebrows, pale skin
and freckles is Ray.
|
GILBERT:
Ray?
RAY:
Yeah, we're over here.
|
Ray leads Gilbert back to the table where Gina is waiting.
|
RAY:
This is my wife, Gina.
GILBERT:
Hello.
|
Ms. Gilbert is still a little stunned as she sits down.
|
GILBERT:
I know I asked you to be sure no one recognized you but ...
who did your makeup?
GINA:
Asia Carrera, we just put her on a plane back home and then
drove up here.
GILBERT:
Wow, well I have to thank you. So, what exactly can I do for
you?
GINA:
We're in some trouble.
GILBERT:
Uh ...
RAY:
We're not asking you for help. Just information.
GILBERT:
Okay.
RAY:
We've been doing this series where we take a sports figure,
or somebody half way famous, to interview a famous porn star
and after the interview they have sex. Well we were in Phoenix
Arizona with Howard Stern so he could interview Jenna Jameson
about issues related to the union, while never actually saying
union, and when the interview was done she refused to have sex
with Howard.
GILBERT:
Jenna's a member of SAG and you can't compel her to do a sex
scene.
GINA:
Even when she agreed to it, chose her co-star, and signed a
contract to do so just before we started shooting?
GILBERT:
You still can't force her.
You don't have to pay her either. I mean she did the interview
so there's that, but I'm guessing your backers want the sex
scene more then the interview and without it ...
RAY:
They say that can't use any of it. It doesn't fit the format
now.
GILBERT:
Can you get the rights to an old scene?
|
Ray shakes his head, no.
|
GINA:
We ended up paying Howard what we had planned to pay Jenna.
GILBERT:
I don't get it.
GINA:
Howard had agreed to fly out for free, we paid for the plane
ticket, and do the interview in exchange for fucking Jenna.
But-
GILBERT:
He can't do that. He's in AFTRA. I don't know what his SAG
status is but he's covered by AFTRA and he has to take union
minimum and pay the fees related to every job.
RAY:
We're not AFTRA or SAG signatories.
|
BEAT
|
GILBERT:
Was this what you wanted to ask me?
GINA:
Not yet.
We paid Howard, basically for his time and the interview-
RAY:
Which we can't use.
 GINA:
(She looks at Ray to see if she can continue)
And we paid for the plane fare.
Jenna threw a fit when we didn't want to pay her.
GILBERT:
She did the interview, she has to be paid for at least that
... If you were a signatory.
RAY:
Well, the real problem is our backers are angry. They gave
us the money for the shoot and now they are insisting upon a
shoot. But we spent all the money on the shoot we did.
GILBERT:
Well, its not your fault.
You acted in good faith.
If they have a complaint they should take it up with Ms. Jameson.
If you were in SAG the union would offer to arbitrate the complaint.
And the most likely result would be that Jenna would have to
provide you with the rights to footage of comparable worth ...
or talk a friend of hers into doing another shoot at her expense.
And the details of this are why you'll never get the SAG membership
to vote in favor of expanding the union into porn.
The arbitration board would have to decide whether the submitted
pornographic footage was of comparable value or if the substituted
stars were, if not comparable, at least worthy of the fees originally
negotiated.
|
GINA and RAY just look at her.
|
GILBERT:
What?
RAY:
The people who gave us the money are insisting that we make
good. They only had a contract with us, flat fee for footage
of porn legends and at least C list celebrities.
GILBERT:
But ... without the union to arbitrate, you should sue Jameson
and name your backers as codefendants or something.
RAY:
The amount in question is only five thousand dollars. It'll
cost us more to sue then we could possibly win from Ms. Jameson.
And, I don't think the judge will award us legal fees if we
win.
GILBERT:
No, not for five thousand. And there's a reason you don't just
refund your backers the money?
RAY:
We don't have it.
It would take a SAG actor over three weeks, at scale, to earn
five thousand dollars. It would take a porn actress seven strait
fucks to earn it.
GILBERT:
Seven real sex scenes with seven different men?
You guys need a union.
|
|
